The first step in getting good advice is deciding to seek it. This, of course, is very scriptural. The Bible is full of words about how ones strength can be multiplied with the advice of others. I especially think of the proverb that says, “But in the multitude of counselors there is safety” ( Prov. 8:14 nkjv )

Cheryl and I have given advise for years to people around us. One of the problems I see in helping people, is that usually they have failed to differentiate between asking for advice and asking other people to make their decisions. I will never let anybody else take the responsibility of making my decisions. I am asking their advice, not delegating the decision to them. It amazes me how many people want me to tell them what to do. 

The second step is to decide what specific help you need. Before asking for advice, you need to do your homework, getting your questions as specific as possible. The question I test myself with is, If these questions were answered, would my problem be solved? Then, when you’ve focused your questions, you need to know when to ask them. Timing is crucial. There’s no reason to ask how to close the barn door after the horses are out. Many people who are afraid of asking for advice tend to procrastinate.

A woman came up to me a few years ago and said, “I have the gift of correction.”  Oh- I said! I run from people like that. Unsolicited advice is usually criticism, not advice. This woman is just couching a critical spirit as a spiritual gift. Since good advice seldom comes unsolicited, whom do we ask?

In seeking someone for advice, one of the biggest temptations is to assume that a person who verbalizes well also analyzes well. It’s not true. Good talkers aren’t always good thinkers. When I evaluate my advisers, I ask myself several questions.

1. Is the person technically qualified? If I go to a doctor, I want to make sure he or she is licensed in the specialty. If I go to a lawyer, I want to see a diploma. I want evidence that the person is technically qualified.
2. Does this person have a good track record in handling the type of problem I’m asking about? For example, if I ask a man about an investment, I want to be sure he’s been successful in his own investments. If I ask about personal relations, I want to be sure he is not in divorce proceedings with his spouse.
3. Next, I have found that those who give the best advice have a personal empathy for me.
    So before seeking advice, I ask myself, Does this person care about me or the cause I represent? If he does, he will listen well. One way to tell if someone is being empathetic is to mention a problem. If the person asks a question that helps me to express the problem more clearly, I begin to sense empathy, and I’m more likely to seek and to trust this person’s understanding of my question.
4. Does the adviser take his responsibility seriously? I’ve been involved on some organizations’ boards on which board members don’t do their homework. They come without thinking through the issues before the meeting. They don’t take responsibility seriously. Not only does that lack integrity, in my opinion, but it invalidates the reliability of their advice.
5. I want to know if the person has the time to do what I’m asking him to do. I often will ask, Do you think this is going to take more time than you can commit? I realize I’m asking the person for a favor, and I want to give a graceful out if he’s too busy. If a person says, “No, I’m interested and willing to commit whatever time is required,” I am much more willing to bare my problem.
   
   Blessings,
   Danny